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Fri 12 / Sat 13 / Sun 14 Jan

FRIDAY 12
[SBS/10:00pm] In Search Of The Perfect Penis
– The obsession with the penis may have more to do with what it has come to represent rather than what it actually does. As a main signifier of maleness, the penis has come to represent sexual and social power. According to this film, for many men, the penis is the centre of their being, if not their universe. And for just as many men, at some time in their lives it may function in a less-than-perfect manner, and this can lead to great anxiety. Things would be a lot easier if every man had a perfect penis and this documentary asks whether there is such a thing. Once and for all it’s time to search for the perfect penis. (From Canada, in English) MA (S,N,A) (Rpt) CC WS Ugly ugly ugly.

[Ten/11.30pm] Veronica Mars Ain’t No Magic Mountain High Enough”
[Ten/12.30am Sat] Letterman

[Nine/12:10am Sat] Shopping for Love. 3 gay boys from Melbourne try their hand at dating by credit card…

[Arena/7:30pm] Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty. Shannen Doherty, host of Oxygen’s new show Breaking Up , helps people through awkward break up situations like breaking up with a significant other, moving out on a roommate, and ending a flakey friendship. In each episode Doherty will go undercover to investigate the toxic relationship and if she decides a break up in is order she will instigate it.Is she for real? Shannon passing UNDERCOVER?

Saturday 13
[ABC/11:00am] JET Live At The Forum
[Ten/2:00pm] Vodafone Live at the Chapel Jet

[ABC/7:30pm] Flying Home. This film is an emotional adventure telling the story of one man’s incredible mission to save a doomed species – one of the world’s most beautiful and precious birds – the Whooping Crane. Dressed in full Whooping Crane costume, Canadian Bill Lishman guides his birds through every stage of their development, from egg to adulthood. He then leads them thousands of miles across the hurly-burly of modern America, and some of the most beautiful landscapes in the United States, to new breeding grounds in Florida.

[SBS/9:50pm] Marquee Movie: Tais-Toi!– (TAIS-TOI!) – Francis Veber’s (The Dinner Game, The Closet) film kick-starts SBS Television’s French Film Season. Petty criminal and dimwit Quentin (Gérard Depardieu) ends up in jail after attempting to rob a currency exchange rather than a bank.

[SBS/11:20pm] SOS SHORTS ON SCREEN – TEEN CHRISTIAN BEACH PARTY – In these times of immorality and debauchery, layman John and his friends seek to educate the masses. A quirky but essential guide for all and a homage to Christian sex education films, this film seeks to inform teenagers about ‘common sense’ ways of handling temptations of the flesh and the consequences that can follow.
[Movie Extra/8:30pm] Nightmares and Dreamscapes. Greta Scacchi. Shot in Melb, shame its so dull.

Cable: They Came From beyond (UK 1967), Soylent Green, Logan’s Run, Natural City (Sth Korea 2003), An Affair to Remember (US 1957)

SUNDAY 14
[Seven/8:40pm] Movie: Swimfan (US 2002) Swim star Ben Cronin has everything going for him. Enter the alluring new girl in town, Madison Bell who seduces Ben. Their tryst only feeds Madison’s obsession with Ben and slowly his life unravels. Ben begins to investigate Madison’s past only to find some incredible dark secrets. Seducing Ben is only the beginning; she becomes his biggest ‘fan’ and most unexpected nightmare, as her obsessions quickly spiral out of control into betrayal and madness. Starring JESSE BRADFORD, ERIKA CHRISTENSEN, SHIRI APPLEBY, KATE BURTON, CLAYNE CRAWFORD, JASON RITTER, KIA GOODWIN, DAN HEDAYA, MICHAEL HIGGINS, NICK SANDOW and PAMELA ISAACS.
[ABC/7:30pm] Kidnapped. Premiere. Chronicles the adventures of Alan Breck and Davie Balfour as they escape murder and shipwreck on a quest for justice, all set against the fierce social and political backdrop of 1760s Scotland. It all began in a tiny Scottish Lowland village, where Davie Balfour (James Anthony Pearson) is orphaned when his father Alexander is crushed by a tree. Just before he dies, Alexander gives him a dagger and tells him that he must claim his rightful inheritance of a great landed estate from an uncle he never even knew he had. Pretty slow and pretty cliched I thought.
[ABC/8:30pm] Shakespeare Retold. Much Ado About Nothing, which screens Sunday 14 January at 8.30pm on ABC TV. Jilted on their first date three years earlier, Beatrice (Sarah Parish – Blackpool, Cutting It) is horrified when Benedick (Damian Lewis -The Forsyte Saga, Stormbreaker) is invited back into the fold to replace her current co-anchor. Benedick’s pompous posturing does nothing to lessen her feelings of loathing. While their tempestuous partnership plays out, so too does a whirlwind romance between the gorgeous but intellectually challenged weather girl, Hero (Billie Piper – Dr Who, The Canterbury Tales), and dishy sports presenter Claude (Tom Ellis – Eastenders, Midsomer Murders). But love’s path does not run smooth for this golden couple, thanks to the increasingly unstable Don (Derek Riddell), who attempts to win over Hero’s affections. Fantastic performance by Sarah Parish, and look for Billie Piper too. These are a real treat.

[ABC/11:55pm] Movie: Room Service (CC, G, 1938, B&W, Rpt) Three men try putting on a stage show while skipping out on their hotel rent. CAST: Groucho Marx, Chico Marx, Harpo Marx, Lucille Ball, Ann Miller
[Showtime/6:30pm] Movie: Howl’s Moving Castle (US 2004) Brilliant!

[CI/10:00pm] Chippendales: A Secret History

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