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Thu Mar 22

[ABC/8:00pm] How to Catch a Mate: The Science of Dating. Everybody wants it but not all of us get it. So how do we go about becoming a sex magnet? In the first of 2 half-hour specials on success, Catalyst’s Dr Paul Willis asks whether science provide clues on how to release the Romeo and Juliet that lies within us all. Three human guinea pigs are put through their paces in the “lab of love”. We find out if pheromones (the smells of desire) can really turn on the partner of your dreams; whether fear is the ultimate aphrodisiac; and whether the body often says what the lips would never dare to mention? There’s a lot of fun and a few anxious moments as we pull out all the stops in getting our subjects the dates they so desperately desire. Whose dreams will reign supreme? And who gets the Prince Charming or the Princess Perfect they’ve always dreamed of?
[ABC/8:30pm] The Big Blue. This award winning natural history documentary narrated by Colin Friels reveals the secrets of the planet’s largest living creature, the blue whale. Filmed off the southern coast of Australia researchers and fishermen have uncovered a natural phenomenon called ‘Bonney Upwelling’ which sparks a feeding frenzy all the way up the food chain to the blue whale. Around 30 metres long, weighing up to 180 tonnes, with a heart the size of a small car and a tongue that weighs as much as an elephant, a feeding blue whale is a sight to behold and rarely captured on film.

[Seven/8:00pm] My Name is Earl.
MADE A LADY THINK I WAS GOD. Earl takes on Number 12 on his list ‘Made a lady think I was God’. Millie Banks was the manager of Earl’s trailer park where he used to pretend to be the voice of God to get her to stop bothering them. Guest starring ROSEANNE BARR.
[Seven/8:30pm] Lost. I DO. Jack makes a decision regarding Ben’s offer. Kate feels helpless when it looks like an angry Pickett is going to make good on his threat to kill Sawyer. Locke discovers a hidden message that may guide him through the next steps of his journey to unlocking the secrets of the island.
[Seven/9:30pm] Bones. THE BLONDE IN THE GAME. After digging up the skeletal remains of a young girl, it becomes clear for Booth and Brennan that they’re not dealing with a normal case. This is confirmed at the lab, when they discover that the cause of death points to a convicted serial killer on death row. Things become worse when the team discovers that the next victim is still alive.
[Seven/11:00pm] Starveillance. Final. Using classic claymation and a very wild imagination, viewers will have a fly on the wall view of sorta-actual celebrity events. In this episode, watch the Desperate Housewives as they recount their versions of the Vanity Fair photo shoot, and see what happens when innocent Girl Scouts try to sell Simon Cowell some cookies.

[Nine/7:30pm] Getaway.
[Nine/8:30pm] Missing Persons Unit
[Nine/9:30pm] The Footy Show.

[Ten/7:30pm] Jamie At Home. Jamie Oliver is doing what he does best – cooking, at home. He explains how easy it is to grow your own produce; sometimes in weird and wonderful ways. Also, how simple it is to make something around only one primary ingredient.
[Ten/8:30pm] Law & Order: SVU. “Cage”
[Ten/9:30pm] Law & Order: CI. “The War at Home.” Guest Stars: Fran Drescher, Rita Moreno.

[SBS/8:30pm] The Eagle: A Crime Odyssey – Codename: Sisyphus – Winner of the International Emmy award for Best Drama Series in 2005, and from the same people who created Unit One comes this riveting police drama and crime odyssey. This week, Hallgrim is still in hot pursuit of ex-KGB man Sergei Varsjinskij and Luka Ivanovitsj Budanov, a new face joins the team and the relationship between Marie and Hallgrim heats up. (From Denmark, in Danish with English subtitles) (Drama Series) (Part 2) CC WS
[SBS/10:05pm] The Mighty Boosh – Fountain Of Youth – Hearing that Naboo is really 406 years old, Vince and Howard set out to find the fountain of youth. With Naboo’s secret amulet they transport themselves to the Planet Xooberon where they are confronted by a mysterious group of blue zealots in the desert of nightmares. They try to transport themselves back home, but the amulet has run out of batteries. Meanwhile a familiar foe, the Evil Hitcher, has been keeping a big polo eye on the amulet in Vince’s possession, planning to take it for himself so that he can rule the universe. (From the UK, in English) (Comedy Series) PG CC WS
[SBS/10:40pm] Cult Movie: Rats – (Ratten) – After performing an unauthorised rescue in his helicopter, Dabrock (Ralph Herforth) has been grounded and as punishment assigned to take care of the Frankfurt’s growing rat problem. For a while, an unusual number of rats have been spotted in the city but when it is discovered that the rats are carrying and spreading a virus fatal to humans for which no vaccine exists Dabrock quickly realises that Frankfurt is facing a crisis which could wipe out most of its population. With the help of Dr Katrin Elder (Anne Cathrin Buhtz), the mother of the little girl whom he saved, Dabrock must find a way of destroying the ever growing numbers of rats and finding a vaccine to save those already infected, including Dr. Elder’s daughter. Directed by Joerg Luehdorff. (From Germany, in German with English subtitles) (2003) M (V,A)

[31/10:30pm] Studio Q. This episode again ties in with the MQFF: we interview some of those involved with the making of Australia’s first gay film ‘The Set’, which will be shown at the MQFF this Friday night (23 March). We talk with the writer/creator of ‘The Set’, Roger Ward (Mad Max, Number 96). We also interview Hazel Phillips who starred in the movie, and who went on to play Number 96’s first lesbian. And we also chat with Ken ‘Candy’ Johnson, one of Sydney’s first drag queens, who had a cameo in the movie.

[TCM/8:30pm] Movie: Mildred Pierce (US 1945) Joan Crawford.

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