Wed Mar 7

[ABC/5:25pm] Monster Warriors. Premiere. All is not well in the metropolis of Capital City 1950s sci-fi movie monsters are on the march, and only four people can stop them. Equipped with very cool weapons made from household appliances, our heroes are two teenage girls and two teenage boys who call themselves the Monster Warriors. Monster Warriors is a comic book come to life. This is a world where four teenagers can be superheroes and with weapons made from household appliances defeat 60-foot monsters intent on eating the city. This live-action/CGI adventure series is set in the fictitious metropolis of Capital City, run by some of the most inept adults imaginable. It’s funny, and in the spirit of all B movies – it’s totally over the top.In episode one, four unsuspecting classmates team up to study arachnids for a school project, but when the metropolis of Capital City is threatened by a giant spider, Luke, Tabby, Vanka and Antonio decide to take matters into their own hands – forming the Monster Warriors. The team suffer a few close calls and run-ins with the mysterious creature, but when they spot an old monster movie poster in a video store window, they believe they’ve found their first solid lead. According to store owner Kreeger, the film – ‘Earth vs. the Giant Spider Invasion’ – was one of many produced by Klaus Von Steinhauer who was, in his heyday, the definitive producer of monster movies. Now this deranged B-movie maker has escaped the Shady Past Rest Home and set up shop at his old stomping grounds, the abandoned movie studios. Equipped with a virtual monster maker, and an array of other gizmos, he plans to terrorise the city with a rash of cheesy movie monsters as revenge on a public that long ago rejected him and his movies…
[ABC/8:00pm] The New Inventors. Host James O’Loghlin presents three ingenious inventions – the Cargo Cage for utes, a Valve Safety Lock and a Wee Target for toilets.
[ABC/8:30pm] Spicks And Specks
[ABC/9:00pm] Extras. One of the better episodes yet, with Chris Martin flogging his album in a shameless guest spot in Andy’s sitcom. But the sequence at the BAFTAs is absolute gold. You won’t believe what celebrity is sprung snorting lines in the loo. And it isn’t Stephen Fry who also guests.
[ABC/9:35pm] The Worst Week Of My Life : Thursday. Things go from bad to worse for Howard as the truth about the cottage and his troubles at work is revealed. CAST: Ben Miller [ABC/10:05pm] At The Movies. HOLLYWOODLAND – starring: Ben Affleck, Adrien Brody, Diane Lane and Bob Hoskins. A uniquely compelling exploration of fame and identity. The drama, inspired by one of Hollywood’s most infamous real-life mysteries, follows a 1950’s private detective (Academy Award winner Adrien Brody) who, investigating the mysterious death of “Superman” star George Reeves (Academy Award winner Ben Affleck), uncovers unexpected connections to his own life as the case turns ever more personal. The torrid affair Reeves had with the wife (Academy Award nominee Diane Lane) of a studio executive (Academy Award nominee Bob Hoskins) might hold the key to the truth . + INTERVIEWS Allen Coulter (Director)Ben Affleck, Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Bob Hoskins.WILD HOGS – Starring John Travolta, William H Macy, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy hit the road in this rollicking comedy-adventure about a group of middle-aged friends who decide to rev up their routine suburban lives with a freewheeling motorcycle trip. Taking a long dreamed-of breather from their stressful jobs and family responsibilities, they can’t wait to feel the freedom of the open road. When this mismatched foursome, who have grown far more used to the couch than the saddle, set out for this once-in-a-lifetime experience – they encounter a world that holds far more than they ever bargained for. The trip begins to challenge their wits and their luck, especially during a chance run-in with the Del Fuegos, a real-life biker gang who are less than amused with their novice approach. As they go looking for adventure, they soon find that they’ve embarked on a journey they will never forget . THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE – The most successful pin-up of the 1950s, Bettie Page’s legendary bondage photos made her the target of a Senate investigation into pornography, and turned her into one of the first sex icons. But in real-life, Bettie Page’s nature and identity were an intriguing contrast to her public persona. Gretchen Mol gives a remarkable performance as Bettie Page in Mary Harron’s (American Psycho, I Shot Andy Warhol) brilliantly crafted look inside where the Bettie Page phenomena all began. Starring Gretchen Mol, Lili Taylor, David Strathairn and Jared Harris. THE HOST – Directed by Bong Joon- HO, a fantasy monster movie, which expertly mixes humour and horror and that has broken box office records in its native Korea, taking the opening weekend record and the highest single-day admissions ever. Gang-du (SONG Kang-ho) works at a food-stand on the banks of the Han River.Dozing on the job, he is awakened by his daughter, Hyun-seo (KO A-sung), who is angry with him for missing a teacher-parent meeting at school. As Gang-du walks out to the riverbank with a delivery, he notices that a large crowd of people have gathered, taking pictures and talking about something hanging from the Han River Bridge. The otherwise idyllic landscape turns suddenly to bedlam, when a terrifying creature climbs up onto the riverbank and begins to crush and eat people. THE HOST screened in the Director’s Fortnight of the 2006 Cannes Film Festival where Variety dubbed it “arguably the hit of the festival”, and audience reaction declares the thrills on a par with “Jaws” and “Alien”. + INTERVIEW WITH BONG JOON-HO

[Ten/6:30pm] Neighbours. Rosie isn’t a lesbian she’s a “says-bian… She says she’s a lesbian because she’s confused. I know a way we can prove which way she paddles the kayak once and for all.” That’s followed by a ludicrous comic plot involving a heart rate monitor, succinctly tied up by Susan telling them they share a wonderful friendship. End plot (badly).
[Ten/7:30pm] The Con Test.
[Ten/8:30pm] House. “Fools For Love” A young woman has been rushed to the hospital, and later when her husband collapses, the team believes the couple’s illnesses are related. Meanwhile, Michael Tritter, a clinic patient, causes problems for House that could have serious ramifications. [Ten/9:30pm] Medium. “Mother’s Little Helper” Allison and Ariel are starting to have dreams about a crime. They are dreaming about it from different perspectives, which reveals two suspects.

[Nine/7:30pm] McLeod’s Daughters.
[Nine/8:30pm] Cold Case. “Saving Sammy.”
[Nine/9:30pm] Without a Trace. “All For One.” Directed by Australian Kate Woods. [Seven/8:30pm] Heroes. CHAPTER SIX ‘BETTER HALVES’. Hiro and his buddy embark on their heroic journey to New York, but they are held up at the last minute. Claire meets her biological parents and hope they can shed light on her special ability. Suresh bids farewell to Eden as he heads back to India to bury his father. An unexpected visitor shows up at Niki’s home. Guest star NORA ZEHETNER and CLEA DUVALL.

[Seven/9:30pm] Prison Break. SUBDIVISION. With the millions buried somewhere under a housing development, Michael must coax the map out of T- Bag’s head. Mahone zeros in ever closer to his Prey as one of the escapees comes to the end of the line. Guest starring JOHN HEARD and DIANA SCARWID. Starring WENTWORTH MILLER, DOMINIC PURCELL, WILLIAM FICHTNER.
[Seven/10:30pm] 24.