Wilfred speaks out

Television’s only bong-smoking mutt returns next week for his second series on SBS ONE.

And as Cindy and Adam barrel headlong into a wedding, TV Tonight talks to the dog behind the mangy suit, Wilfred, to see what makes him tick. And what ticks him off.

Why do you dislike Adam so much? Or do you just love to hate him?
Adam is not a bad guy. He just doesn’t meet my needs… and he is banging Sarah!

Can he possibly get any more offensive than he is already?
Can Adam? You are confusing me. I guess so. You may have to ask Adam. Can I get more offensive? You bet your sweet potatoes I can. Did I mention you have very sweet potatoes?

Why is it you talk to Adam but not Sarah?
Chicks, man. If a tree falls in an empty head, do they hear it?

Describe an ordinary day.
Eat, shit… eat shit, pull bongs, have narchoss (with guacamole if there is some), down beer, bang something if I can, then a quick turnaround and do it all again the next day.

What’s the meaning of life?
See above.

What do you get up to in this series?
See above. I also go to the Big Pineapple… and knock someone up. No, not Sarah!! Get your filthy mind out of the gutter!

Was life perfect when it was just you and Sarah?
Look, Adam had been haunting us for so long now, it’s hard to remember. I used to sleep in the bed a lot more then. And sometimes lick Sarah inside her mouth when she had peanut butter on toast. Adam doesn’t like us doing it, so it doesn’t happen as much anymore. But when we are alone we sometimes give it a good shake.

How has fame changed you?
The standard of hotties I bang has improved. But in that sense, I guess I remain very down to earth because I will still bang anything with a pulse. That’s ‘still-bang’. They gotta be still. And not necessarily have a pulse.

Hoping for a Logie?
Every time I pick my nose.

How does Wilfred compare with other classic TV dogs?
I haven’t seen the size of theirs… but I haven’t had any complaints.

Is there any hope for Adam?
Of course there is. There is hope for everyone… What, are you serious? NO!!!

Wilfred airs 10pm Monday on SBS ONE.