0/5

The Shire

Surfing, spray tans, waterfront McMansions, cashed-up bogans and vain kids made more vain by the spotlight -welcome to The Shire.

On a positive note, the production values looked pretty good.

There, now that we have gotten that out of the way, can we talk about The Shire?

In fairness I don’t think I am really the target audience, but I do have a TV and eyeballs and right now that makes me part of TEN’s target. Let’s face it, aside from an improved season of MasterChef and (the concluded but wonderful) Offspring there’s not a lot to watch on the network lately: Being Lara Bingle,  Last Man Standing, The Finder, Breakfast, movie reruns, Modern Family reruns, NCIS reruns… jump in here anytime.

The Shire has copped a barrage of publicity before hitting the screen. I can’t remember the last time a show had this much press before it had even finished production. As a result, I fully expect the ratings to reflect our curiosity.

Cronulla, Sylvania Waters and its surrounds looked glorious on the small screen. There’s no racist riots here -in fact it’s a charmed life of surfing, spray tans, waterfront McMansions, cashed-up bogans, parties and a perpetual weekend. There’s no sign of a struggling middle class, no shortage of housing, and barely an elderly citizen in sight.

What it does have is plenty of pretty twenty-somethings, who by all accounts are also pretty vacant. Two of the girls wear their vanity like a badge of honour.

“I could never live without my lips,” says Vernessa – or possibly Sophie (does it really matter which?). “My goal is to make everyone in The Shire skinnier.” Over-sprayed and over-collagened, they are clearly meant to be the comic relief here. I just found them annoying.

Dashing Mitch has model looks but was happy to invite his former girlfriend Gaby to a party also attended by another ex-girlfriend. Nice. Did he at anytime think the Story Producers, hired from The Only Way is Essex, were setting him up for a love triangle gone wrong?

Beckaa-with-two-Aas is the nearest the show has to a Paris Hilton wanna-be. Flying in from Dubai where she’s just paid for a new nose (as you do), she is collected by Daddy in his limousine. “Did you miss me?” he asks. “I missed your credit card,” she answers. “Arabs like to shake… the bling bling.”  This is the only time any subtext ever emerges through the screen, with awkward non-PG thoughts about Daddy and daughter now racing through my PG-timeslot mind. I have no idea where Mummy is but I think she got out while she knew what was good for her.

Just as concerningly, Beckaa-with-two-Aas has two camp pals, Kris and Stace, who don’t mind saying one thing to her face, but telling the cameras later, “She kind of looks like a pig.” Message: gay best friends are really bitches deep down. Nice #2.

Music wanna-be Rif Raf sprouts lines that are ripped straight from Angry Boys: “Emotionally disturbed bitch.. yeh bro… sick man.” Annoying #45.

Throughout the muddled, busy, set-up episode, there were endless shots of boobs and tubes, party boys who probably wandered off the set of Corey Worthington’s Facebook rave, aerial shots of sparkling estates, traffic montages and a frenzied storytelling pace. There were also too many characters, with blondes blurring into blands.

But the biggest concern was how “unnatural” everyone was.

I get that these are non-actors steered in unscripted scenarios, but boy they have no finesse in appearing relaxed. Some try too hard to ramp it up for the cameras, which lacks authenticity. Others, in particular the parents, are so awkward they don’t appear to understand the genre. Who can blame them? We might be in Sylvania Waters mum, but we’re a long way from Sylvania Waters. If we could start again as a mockumentary there may be something here…

The Shire strikes me as being suitable fodder for a foreign audience, which may well be the underlying agenda. The locations shimmered in the sun and the soft-Shine-focus. The characters are so stereotyped as to work as car-crash telly for international audiences already weaned on the genre.

But Aussie audiences will call you to account if you’re not being honest with them, and that’s where this falls down.

I struggled to find the likeable characters who will draw me back each week. Fatally, there is also no humility to be seen. I remember a nation falling in love with Marty & Jess’s romance on Big Brother, because it wasn’t manufactured. Here I doubt I will believe what is put in front of me.

The Shire will undoubtedly polarise audiences, and TEN has to hope there will be enough who are suitably appalled / amused /sucked in for it to fire. Because, like the Cronulla beach tide, there is another wave of content coming and its name is Big Brother.

The Shire airs 8pm Mondays on TEN.

42 Responses

  1. After all the “noise” and T&A and the OMG these people vote…..I wonder if it destroys what was working really well for the Ten brand – great Aussie drama like Offspring, reflecting back intelligence and humour at us? Puberty Blues looks great – but it feels like a “family” show at best, as is Reef Doctor. Masterchef is a family friendly, positive cooking show franchise, and The Project on a good night. The backlash against this might hurt all that was working. Leaving them where? It’s always a mistake to underestimate your audience. If Ten becomes totally trashy no-one will turn it on for any other reason and I think that’s a strategic error. They just raised $200M for content – hopefully not more of this. End of rant.

  2. This was awful, just awful. I’m in the target audience, and I love TOWIE, but this was dire. Those two botox idiots were cringe-worthy at best and I agree with everyone here about the girl and her dad – very awkward and creepy vibe going on there. I won’t be going back for a second look at this one.

  3. Apart from terrible casting, absolutely contrived situations and a complete lack of story, the main problem with the show is that all these characters are isolated. No one knows each other and everyone is off in their own little spaces. This was painfully clear when characters were speaking with their parents to progress the “story” rather than chatting about it with their friends. If they were all friends, or at least forced to be friends then you get interaction, story progression, conflict and drama. If anything, this just felt like vignettes.

    And yes, I too felt the creepy sugar daddy vibe from the supposed rich girl. I actually thought they were dating until she said he was her father. I was so shocked I rewatched the scene again just to see if this is how a father and daughter would act. It still creeped me out. Oh, and those two plastic surgery girls need their voting rights taken away from them.

  4. Still disturbed by the Beckaaa and Dad scene, we all thought it was the sugar daddy (first impression), especially with the touchy feely stuff. Anyone else had similar thoughts.

  5. Am relieved it didn’t get into the top 10. Will go down next week, for sure.

    You have to check out their Facebook page and look at the posts. Absolutely hilarious. Channel 10 copped an absolutely hiding from viewers last night!

  6. As always with these reality TV shows I keep thinking that most of the people who watch them (let alone appear in them!) vote. It both explains our appalling politicians and destroys all hope of things improving anytime soon.

  7. This is filmed in Cronulla? Look forward to the episode with Alan Jones inciting the locals to start race riots.

    That would make the show more real and would definitely keep the boats from arriving.

  8. Those two girls Sophie and Vernesa can’t be fair dinkum can they ? I swear they share a brain cell between them.
    Perhaps some of the awkwardness with the characters will disappear as they get comfortable with the camera.

  9. mmm…I was a little disturbed by the Beckaaa dad and daughter thing. Loved the plastic girls, however you can only love these 2 while they are young as they aint gonna age well. It did feel a bit like TT/ACA meets TOWIE though, still enough eye candy to keep me watching for now….

  10. @Fitzah, I agree. This is instant Australia Aversion Therapy. It is bottom feeding garbage, the women are excruciatingly awful and the men are just uber boring ciphers. Also, is it my imagination, or is that extraordinary blonde woman flirting with her father in the sports car the image of Bec Hewitt, Lleyton’s wife? Here in Sydney, the Shire is already considered a laughing stock, this just makes it a hundred times worse.

  11. I agree with you David.Over the years ive enjoyed some reality/dramality shows that have been on,so i thought id give this a go.I switched channels at about the 20 minute point.Its not for me.I found no endearing qualities in the people.I found Beckaas relationship with her daddy slightly disturbing.It was quite bizaare.I thought at first it was her ‘sugar daddy’ not her real dad(still not sure).I dont think Australian shows quite understand the concept of dramality and how to work it.There was no building up a story or getting to understand who these people are.Thumbs down from me.

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