Asking for It

“How is a man supposed to know a woman is not consenting when she’s participating?” – Asking For It.

The most striking aspect of Jess Hill’s new SBS documentary Asking For It is the sheer bravery of survivors of sexual assault and rape who recall harrowing incidents before the camera.

In episode one Grace Tame, Saxon Mullins and Gemma Elsom detail what happened to them as teenagers in order for us to grasp the concept of consent, and the changes, both social and legal, neded in order to protect the vulnerable.

In Australia around 85 sexual assaults are reported daily on average – but estimates suggest 90% of sexual assaults go unreported. Amid issues of sex, consent and power, Jess Hill says, “We’re in a new sexual revolution. This time it’s all about consent.”

Former Australian of the Year Grace Tame explains why at 15, she could not give consent to a sexual relationship with a 58 year old man. Tame details the grooming undertaken by her teacher, who was ultimately convicted of “maintaining a sexual relationship with someone under the age of 17.”

“I was terrified…. terrified…. consent seems like a f***ing joke,” she reveals.

Saxon Mullins describes the night she lost her virginity in a King’s Cross back lane to the son of a night club owner and why she resisted the urge to remain silent. Now a survivor and advocate, she speaks direct to camera, only breaking her resolve when she recalls how she had to reveal what had happened to her.

“(Police) asked me to explain what happened. I was really embarrassed so I said, ‘You know, and then he assaulted me.’ The police officer said, ‘I’m really sorry. But I need you to say it,'” she said.

Gemma Elsom recalls a trusted friend violating her when she was intoxicated and being unable to tell anybody.

“All I have is what my body felt, and that I will never forget,” she says. “That will be there forever… those bodily, feelings.”

“I think about what could I have done differently?” adds her mother. “I don’t know how we protect our children from their closest friends.”

For the viewer there is nowhere to hide in these confronting testimonials. They went through it, the least one can do is hear their words.

But technology is also spiking consent issues for teenagers. West Australian Noelle Martin found images of herself across porn sites, many of which were morphed into deep fakes and videos.

After finding police had little recourse, and frustration with elusive web masters, she brought her case to Australia’s world first online government watchdog – the eSafety Commissioner.

Yet for Martin, the loss of privacy and impacts upon family, friends, work, are sadly “the price you pay for speaking out.”

This segment also includes glimpses of males who have been subjected to the sharing of nudes by former partners.

Given the abundance of assaults caused by young men aged 15-19 we also watch Lauren French from Body Safety Australia leading a class of teenage boys in the fundamentals of consent.

With 50 sexual assaults a week in aged care the series also visits an aged care facility which is part of a university study into sexual assault amongst seniors. Old fashioned and conservative views, demonstrated by archival footage, are a challenge in this area as seniors come to grips with what is socially acceptable in 2023. So too is the question of consent where there is dementia involved.

Further episodes will focus on institutional responses to rape, consent education, misogynistic behaviour and how consent works in the real world of a dance party. I also learned about ‘Fawning’,  a survival strategy to avoid conflict with a perpetrator and establish a sense of safety.

Hill, whose previous documentary See What You Made Me Do tackled domestic violence, offers an understanding but thought provoking perspective. It’s impossible to ignore her passion for a hot topic, currently the subject across many Australian communities.

Make no mistake, it’s another powerful work, with amazing access to survivors whose voices should be heard. SBS will challenge you on where you stand.

Asking for It screens 8:30pm Thursday on SBS.

1800Respect
teachusconsent.com
fullstop.org.au
Sexual Assault Crisis Line: 1800 806 292
Mensline Australia: 1300 78 99 78
Police: 000