First Review: Gay, Straight or Taken

When Bravo TV launched Boy Meets Boy in 2004 the luvly James Getzlaff was the Bachelor-style hero in a dating show that offered gay beaus and straight wolves in designer-sheep clothing. According to Getzlaff, this twist by gay-owned production company Evolution was part of an agenda to get the show into mainstream television when Queer Eye was hot.

It was probably a delicious idea. Once.

Suddenly straight men were trying to be gay, showing an aspirational quality that left homophobia at the door. Suggesting that you couldn’t tell metrosexual from homosexual merely from appearances was a notion worth disintegrating.

But in Playing It Straight, Rebecca was so disarming that you actually felt sorry for the poor gal. And the show’s focus on gay men as “liars” was alarming. Meanwhile Miriam came off looking like a “nasty transgender” with a lie as big as her apparently intact member. Each time, the envelope was worringly pushed.

So now we have Gay, Straight or Taken as 18 x 30min eps of varying males and females. The only difference here is that one of the straight guys is married. If she picks the single straighty they win a holiday, otherwise the others do. Whoopee.

In the first ep we meet Jenner who describes herself as an “hilarious smarty-pants.” She forgot to mention loud, annoying and a cross between Jessica Simpson and Adam Richard. SHUT-UP! Her three guys are all big, beefy and butch. I get the impression this will be the case for the entire series. Small chance of three slight, effeminate men, right?

Jenner goes on three separate dates that look little product-placement advertorials. There isn’t even a Bachelorette’s Mansion on this puppy, the gang are all standing outside some hotel plaza.

Admittedly, when I wasn’t cringing I was either perving on the boys or guiltily testing my own gaydar, which was pretty misfired. How hopeless I am if I can’t pick the gay reality liar from the straight reality conspirator and the straight greedy married bastard.

So where to from here? Maybe a reality show outside The Peel? If you’re gay you’re in, if you’re straight you’re out. If you’re bisexual go away ‘cos you just don’t fit in anywhere. Frankly it’s easier just to watch Kerri-Anne and chill out.

Be careful what you wish for.

Gay, Straight or Taken premieres 9:30pm Monday on Arena.
Playing it Straight repeats 12:30am from Friday July 6 on Seven.