Geordie Shore: Going Down Under

2013-07-10_1321“This programme contains strong language, sexual scenes, and references from the outset and throughout.” So says a title card.

Yes Geordie Shore: Going Down Under had its first f****n screening today on M fkn TV.

In case you’ve never seen this f****n show it’s got some buff boys and busty birds who love to shag, booze, bitch and dry hump. Mint.

It’s rated MA15+ even though it would probably rather be R.

And they f****n swear a f****n lot, ay?

They have names like Gaz, Scotty T., Vicky, Holly, Sophie …..and there are histories of various relationships with one another. Not sure it’s essential to the narrative -but whatevs.

Most of the time is spent arguing, shagging, drinking and doing it all over again at bars, on a party f****n bus.

The girls are whinging from the moment they exit the Sydney terminal (it’s f****n raining) to the moment the end credits roll.

“This programme contains strong language, sexual scenes, and references from the outset and throughout.” They keep telling me.

The house near Bondi looks very glam. I feel sorry for the neighbours.

There’s some Aussie hired to wear a hat and make bad crocodile references.

They play volleyball at Manly Beach and party on at a Backpacker bar.

There are closed circuit cams in the bedroom to catch their exploits (but none under the sheets).

Amongst some of their observations:

“You can’t get more Australian than a f****n ute.”

“I’m getting c*cks thrust in my face.”

“Why is that all our girls do? Cry. Neck on. Cry. Neck on. FFS!”

“I’m not gonna jump around like a tit….”

“It doesn’t really feel like anyfink.”

“I f****n hate emus” (ok I laughed at that one)

When they’re standing upright they seem quite taken with the city of Sydney. Not sure Sydney cares.

Nobody has any charm or humour but clearly they are hired to play up to the cameras. This show makes The Shire look like Gone with the Wind.

Should I give this half a star rating for at least filling the brief of being car-crash TV?

Nah f*** it.

No stars.

Geordie Shore: Going Down Under airs 7am Wednesdays on MTV

12 Comments:

  1. muscledude_oz

    Didn’t the Kiwis do this first a few years back with the GC, a reality series about a group of young New Zealanders on the Gold Coast?

    When you start pinching ideas from the Kiwis it’s time to give up.

  2. Guess it depends how we define docu-soap as the boundaries blur so much. Do we include Seven Up and Big Brother for example? If we mean filming individuals to construct narrative plotlines, then can we include Meerkat Manor? The Simple Life and The Osbournes had their moments. I had hopes for The Family but it didn’t sustain enough. If you mean the recent wave of “softly-scripted” shows where constructs are manufactured by producers in order to elicit reactions then I am yet to recall one that engaged me beyond one episode. Rather just watch Survivor where the constructs are more blatant. I do think casting a few likeable people has to be a bare minimum and Geordie Shore’s cast only proved to be physically unique.

  3. This crap on at 7am (well, on at all)? Just hope little Chantelle doesn’t start playing with the remote while she’s watching Shaun the Sheep.

  4. Ha ! what a great review. At first read i thought fkn was one of those subscriber channels !! – and the getting c*cks thrust in their faces – lucky girls !!

  5. Took a second to work out what fkn was!! Haha, best review yet!!!! You deserve a medal for sitting thought it! But at 7am, thats a but early for the poor kids if they have a hangover?! Haha

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