★★★★★ 0/5

Brynne: My Bedazzled Life

Memo to Lara Bingle: Please watch and learn from Brynne Edelsten. This is how it's done.

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Memo to Lara Bingle: Please watch and learn from Brynne Edelsten. This is how it’s done.

For the record, I’m no fan of fly-on-the-wall celebrity TV, although early seasons of The Simple Life and The Osbournes did suck me in.

Since then, we’ve seen so many wanna-bes and washed-ups thinking they could kick-start or reignite careers by parading around in front of cameras that they blur into banality.

Being Lara Bingle was boring television because on screen Lara Bingle is boring. Dancing with the Stars showed us that. In the same season we were introduced to Brynne Edelsten, the 29 year old bride of 69 year old millionaire Geoffrey Edelsten. Aside from her eye-catching frame, dizzy persona and taste for excess, it showed her spirit could not be so readily crushed by criticism when told her dancing looked like “a bedazzled sack of potatoes rolling down stairs.”

Her utterly unforgettable hosting of The Morning Show not long afterwards was deer-in-headlights TV.

Now on Seven she is front and centre in her own observational series, Brynne: My Bedazzled Life.

Like the Paris Hilton series, this benefits from a defiant sense of humour. The producers have cleverly concocted some awkward situations which elicit some banal reactions. And all of it works a treat.

She has an acting lesson with former Neighbours casting guru Jan Russ, she upstages Dancing judge and pal Josh Horner at A Chorus Line. She goes shopping for frocks and shoes. She cooks Geoffrey Edelsten a dinner in order to tackle him on her desire for having babies.

On shopping:
– By the end of the day I got the invoice. A quarter of a million dollars worth of clothes that I hadn’t even tried on. I thought ‘oh my gosh Geoff is going to kill me.’

– I don’t know why but spending a bit of money just makes me feel so much better.

On acting lessons with Jan Russ:
– I just hope she can get me up to speed because acting is a skill. It’s kind of like dancing but with talking too.

– Jan’s really great and really respected and there’s only really one problem in the room and that’s me.

– Luckily I was playing a desperate character because I was just desperate to get out of there.

 – I’m not a quitter but I’m really going to have to think about it if I’m going to do movies.

On learning a script:
– I read it but I really didn’t take it in.

On personal space:
– Even if it’s my husband I don’t like anybody to come inside my bubble.

On wanting to become pregnant to Geoffrey Edelsten:
– I really hope he jumps on board because I’d hate to give him an ultimatum.

On cooking a dinner to bring up the topic of getting pregnant:
– If having a baby hangs off my cooking skills I’m in trouble.

– I’m hoping it turns out good. Or at least edible.

– For some reason the flames come out from under it.

Is she putting it on? Is she for real? Who cares. Like a bit of Green Acres in penthouse Melbourne, this ticks the boxes and knows its audience well.

Through the first episode Edelsten spends more time with her fluffy white dog than she does with her husband, which probably explains his line that he would have preferred the dog to be skewered for dinner than Brynne’s own cooking. How much the series delves into their ‘unconventional’ relationship remains to be seen. So far it’s all about keeping up appearances, than providing insight…

Lawrence Mooney provides a cynical narration to this car-crash telly, that is a lot more fun than Being Lara Bingle.

Brilliantly bad TV.

Brynne: My Bedazzled Life is coming soon to Seven.

29 Responses

  1. Chk Chk – Going to stick my head up on this thread. In my opinion Brynne’s reality show has been the first Australian show in this reality sub genre that has really nailed it.
    The reviews I have read have mainly been positive now backed up by the viewers with the high ratings it has received as well as the mainly positive comments the show has received in the social media.

    1. Yes chk chk it was. Is that what you wanted to hear?

      Seriously, Seven don’t even advertise on this site. Neither does the network suggested in your email address, nor the one that you frequently champion in other comments. If you want to throw such criticisms then man up and put your name to your comments, as I do to my reviews. Lastly, there are other reviews that have praised Brynne: My Bedazzled Life. That’s what reviews are. End of rant.

  3. So this is how low Australian television has sunk, Australias version of Paris Hilton. And i thought The Shire was pretty low. Says a lot for the Aussie public.

  5. Love Brynne, she is completely bizarre and has a great sense of humour about her role as an essentially useless trophy wife. There is definitely something about her that fascinates the audience, as her stint on DWTS proved. By rights, she should have lasted no more than two or three episodes, as many of the female glamazons before her who have been voted off the show within a couple of weeks, but she almost made it into the Top 5. Seven know how to promote and nurture reality shows like this, so I’m sure it will rate.

    Agree with you about L. Bingle – she comes across as a very bland person. If she was still with Michael Clarke I could understand some interest in her life, but as a single, twenty-something woman, she is yawnsville.

  7. Oh David I hate you as now I’ll have to watch. Those quotes are just gold. While we may cringe and bemoan her head in the sky behaviour, it seems as though underneath it all she’s probably one of those people that wouldn’t hurt a fly. Bingle was bleugh! Brynne could be bravo! And…just when I was attempting to rid myself of Dance Moms too…sigh.

  8. LOL well done David…good to see the humour is there and a great comeback, i thought i had a hotmail address…hmm must need to change that…and @squirrel no one asked you…if i need or want your opinion…i will surely ask… and hang on now i won’t…

  17. @camo2 – another hypocritical and easily-falsifiable statement from a Nine shill. Every single one of your comments is biased in favour of Nine. You should stop. You’re starting to look silly.

  19. not surprised you love it David…its on Seven and i believe you have shown us your colours along time ago…sure you dont favour them…but certainly you have a soft spot for the number seven…or maybe red is your favourite colour

  21. Sorry David – Lara and Brynne are nothing but blonde bimbos whose 15 minutes are well and truly over.

    Sadly I think Brynne’s show will be a ratings hit whereas Bingle was a bungle.

    Along with the other rubbish reality show , Beauty and the Geek, Seven appears to be hitting sixes.

    If Ten puts Underground up against Brynne – I am betting Brynne outrates it.

  22. I am looking forward to this. Brynne makes me laugh and their blinged out life is fascinating. I know its ditszy and over the top, but Brynne seems nice enough and I love how she’s named her dog after Chris Judd. Imagine her and Mick Malthouse having a conservation.

  24. The thing is (and this is just my opinion, disagreement is welcome) Lara is an average girl who just play acts at being dumb because she thinks it’s cute, or that it lets her get away with misbehaviour (in the past couple days I’m assuming she might be rethinking that strategy). That episode of BLB where she ponders “do I even have a license?” and then giggles… ugh. Women, who are adults who should know and act better, are so incredibly frustrating.

    Brynne is on another level. She’s like Jessica Simpson. She really is that dumb, but she’s a lovely person with no designs on manipulation and she has a sense of humour and doesn’t take herself seriously. I don’t think she’s putting it on at all. Lara was, and it showed.

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