Huge sinkhole opens under Nine headquarters

Disaster strikes as a 6 metre sinkhole opens up under Nine's Willoughby base.


A huge sinkhole has opened up underneath Nine Network’s headquarters in Willoughby.

TV Tonight understands a gaping 6 metre hole opened up at the entrance to the TCN9 property late yesterday afternoon, causing police to evacuate the building and seal off access to Artarmon Road.

One vehicle was caught in the emergency, but the driver escaped unharmed.

Police would not confirm if the driver was Richard Wilkins, but said a 60 year old man was being treated for minor cuts and bruises.

“He’s a bit shaken up, but otherwise ok,” a police spokesperson said. “It was lucky he was running late for an eyelash-tinting session, otherwise it could have been a lot worse.”

Nobody else was injured in the unexpected drama although onlookers reported Paul ‘Fatty’ Vautin nearly toppled in due to walking and talking at the same time.

Experts could not explain the cause of the rupture underneath the Free to Air station but Stan employees, working in an adjacent building, report seeing Netflix representatives loitering at the gatehouse in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Police are questioning Today show staff over whether they saw anything suspicious.

Karl Stefanovic told police, “I love India and I love the contribution New Zealanders make across many different vocations in this great country.”

A Nine spokesperson denied the hole was in any way connected to Free to Air Television’s massive challenges in the television landscape.

“Absolutely not. On Sunday we just scored our biggest share since the London Olympics. Reports of Free to Air’s death are greatly exaggerated. Just not the ones about us subsiding increases in SBS advertising. Those ones are bang on,” they said.

Never one to miss an opportunity, late yesterday afternoon Scott Cam and former teams from The Block and House Rules were being flown from Melbourne by the Channel Nine helicopter to repair the hole for an upcoming special Reno Rumble: Sinkhole Spectacular.

The sinkhole emergency also comes at a crucial time for Nine after recently appointing commercial property agents CBRE to oversee a long-awaited redevelopment of the 2.9ha property into residential housing.

Nine CEO David Gyngell, last seen rolling down Artarmon Road in a headlock by James Packer, could not be contacted for comment.

Police could not confirm if both had fallen down the sinkhole in tracky dacks and t-shirts.

Leila McKinnon is understood to have been embarrassed her husband was not wearing shoes.

11:57am disclaimer: Content may or may not have been an April Fool’s gag. Thanks for playing everyone!

Photo: Roberto Parlavecchio.

78 Responses

  1. Just reading my local Advertiser….your story is half way down…but your pic…is right at the top…
    Like they say…a picture is worth a thousand words…. :bg

  2. Rumour whirling around this evening that the Sydney Comedy Festival organisers are considering asking you and Roberto to create their next festival brochure. I guess the brief would be similar to: An interactive sinkhole with exceptional physical placement.
    Fingers crossed for you!

  3. As with many AFD jokes….they come true……as we all read this ch9 execs are doing a feasbility study into this to boost flagging ratings for The Block

  4. Hah, good one. You never let us down. When I remembered what day it was I went to the front page to see if there was a special story there.

    *Goes off to see what other sites have done…

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